sick 25 July 10 I started to get sick last week, and for the first time in years have been laid low with flu. I have the immune system of an ox, usually, and at the first sign of an illness I go to sleep for a couple of hours and when I wake up I'm nearly better. But this hasn't been so easy. I'm absolutely exhausted. Now I have a theory about why my immune system is so strong. It may be rubbish, but I think it's true. I think that I don't get sick very often because I work through my emotional issues thoroughly. I don't think it's coincidence that I got sick on the anniversary of Luke's death. A couple of years ago I went to see a movie about an Irish Catholic priest who was a paedophile. It was a documentary interviewing both him and his victims, as well as his bishops and other superiors. There were four people in the cinema, we were scattered around the room, seated as far apart as possible. And all of us wept throughout that film. Anyway, that night I got, out of the blue, the most horrendous cystitis. I was in agony, my urine was full of blood, and Luke had to take me to the hospital in the middle of the night. Here's the interesting thing - I hadn't had bloody urine since my brother molested me, forty years earlier. I learned from that that my body carries stress and if I can work out what it is and deal with it, I'm healthier. So I miss Luke. He was my best friend for nearly thirty years. And more than that, there's a deeper missing, of my brother, who I adored. After he started molesting me he changed towards me - became cold and angry and abrupt. And I was grief stricken about it. I think my body is reacting to the men I love and lose.

Lindsay on 27 July 10
Very thought-provoking and I suspect has deep truths that I need to grapple with in terms of my own life. Thank you for sharing this.

srj on 26 July 10
PS and of course I meant to say Hope you are now feeling much better. S x

srj on 26 July 10
It makes total sense to me. Indeed, it is amazing how our bodies sometimes very literally react to the way we construe what is happening to us. A sort of similar experience was when my husband then father then grandfather died over 15 months, and then a couple of months later my mother-in-law. I was describing the way her death felt as 'like the last straw' and indeed, camel that I am*, I thoroughly put my back out a week or two later ... [In a former chapter of life I was trained as an arabist and middle east specialist, and known as one of the 'camel corps'!]

HeatherB on 26 July 10
Very interesting insight, Helen. And I hope you are better soon. Hugs from me.

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