| Still chucking away
31 December 09
Such an urge to throw away. We have a lounge suite. The first piece of furniture we ever bought to keep. I saw it in a junk shop in Grahamstown, in 1986. It's one of those teak benches with curvy chairs from the 1930s.
It was never very comfortable, and... |
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| Emptying Out
27 December 09
The kids are away, and it's just me, the dogs and the cat at home. I'm sorting out, hanging pictures, tidying away, and getting sorted.
How sad is it, to empty out the cupboards of the person you loved best and longest? I gave away many of his clothes a... |
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| Christmas
25 December 09
It's Christmas, and everything is under control... I'm going to cook a turkey breast for lunch and then the kids are going off to stay with Luke's brother and his family at Cape Infanta.
I'll have a few days alone, which I'm looking forward to.
I've been reading an old biography... |
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| Rooting
22 December 09
For the first time since my life was turned upside down I feel as though I am putting down roots and beginning to stabilise.
It's 5 months now since Luke died.
I had a feeling then that we'd been growing together in a plant pot that had got too... |
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| letting it out
20 December 09
One thing I've realised this year is that emotion is meant to flow through you, and if you try and dam it up, and don't let it show, you're asking for trouble.
Our sewerage drains have collapsed. Just when Luke was diagnosed with cancer they got blocked, and the plumber... |
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| Winter
19 December 09
So when I am alone, I feel as though I am dying. Something inside me is withering. The leaves have fallen off, the ground is hard and cold, and its just me, the bare branches, the brittle twigs.
My shrink says this is the 40 days in the wilderness. I... |
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| 18 December
18 December 09
I've had stiff shoulders and a sore neck for days, so yesterday morning I went to the chiropractor. He pushed and pumped and pummelled and clicked, and as I left I burst into tears, and all this grief came pouring out - that Luke had gone, that I feel alone... |
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| Can Celine Dion Bring World Peace?
16 December 09
When I was a little girl I loved to sing most of all. Alone, on the swing, or at school in class music, or in the choir.
My niece Annie's little girl is the same, apparently. She's about three, and sings songs all the way through while she's driving in... |
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| All at once
13 December 09
The horrible month has arrived - when we face a Christmas without Luke.
He loved all the trappings of the Christmas meal, and while he was waiting to celebrate midnight mass on Xmas eve, he used to stuff the turkey, glaze the ham, peel the potatoes and prepare this huge... |
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| Sad things
10 December 09
You know what I find sad? That you marry someone, knowing what they're like, and then over the years you expect them to be different.
I wish I'd been gentler with Luke now, and more accepting of his humanness. Less demanding of perfection. I wish I'd taken more responsibility for... |
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| Scary Nun
08 December 09
This is scary nun. She doesn't like women. She says 'Women should only have sex in order to make children who will become nuns and priests. Women are in themselves sinful beings - because Eve stole the apple and led Adam into temptation with it.
The only way to live... |
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| Does being cross make you fat?
07 December 09
I've caught glimpses of a reality program about Ruby, an extremely large woman who's trying to lose weight. The thing that strikes me in even the short bits I've seen is that Ruby doesn't express her anger. She goes to a restaurant, and a group of people laugh at her... |
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| Nice Aunty
02 December 09
This is Nice Aunty.
Nice Aunty owns a cake shop. She loves to bake, and her solution to every problem is 'Have a cinnamon twist dear.'
She's been my comforter for many a long year. I do like nice aunty. However, her outlook on life is a bit limited. She doesn't get... |
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