| June 30
30 June 09
Luke is feeling a little better this morning, but he is very very bad. The hospice sister told me to get Pete here earlier - he's booked to arrive two weeks today. His mind is still clear, but its slow. His speech is blurry and faltering, and he doesn't really... |
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| June 29 A Wishlist
29 June 09
I feel guilty and pleased to be doing this. So many people say they want to help, and I must just ask, so I'm putting up a wish list of things that would ease my pressure - either time wise, financially or in terms of organisation.
Please don't feel obliged... |
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| 28 June 2009
28 June 09
It's been a better day. Nurse Wendy was here, and she is a huge help. I wish she'd been here in the middle of the night. I'd helped Luke change his stoma bag last night, and I didn't put enough glue on it.
At 4.30 I woke to a strange... |
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| Saturday 27 June
27 June 09
Today has been a hard hard day. Luke was in a lot of pain when he woke up. It took a while to settle him down, and then he began feeling nauseous and vomiting.
The hospice sister came this evening and gave him an anti nausea injection, and now he's... |
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| A little Linguistic Interlude
26 June 09
Brian Davey sent this interesting linguistic titbit for Luke, and I have decided to post it here for the edification of my readers. I have long maintained that the word 'fuck' is indispensable to my narrative, both written and verbal. 'Fok' is even more expressive. The Irish 'Fek' is whimsical... |
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| Sad
25 June 09
We're sad here.
The hospice sister says that Luke will still be ok when the kids arrive on the 14th July from Belgium. But she doesn't think he will go much longer than six weeks.
He is losing so much weight. They've had to up the morphine today, and it... |
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| Tuesday 23 June 2009
23 June 09
Luke is still in hospital. The urologist wants to get the pain under control before he comes home. But we're hoping tomorrow will be the day.
He's very happy and peaceful. He is filled with love and gratitude, and its lovely to see him with all his inner conflicts sorted.
I... |
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| Monday 22 June
22 June 09
I took Luke to the urologist this morning, because of his persistent urinary tract infection and awful pain in the groin. The urologist sent him straight up to the ward, and put him on a penicillin drip. He said the pain and swelling is caused by cancer spread.
Luke is very... |
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| Sunday - Looking for books
21 June 09
Luke desperately wants to read two books, so I'm looking for some good hearted person in Cape Town to track them down for me. They are:
Helen Waddell's book on Abelard and Heloise
and
Chesterton's biography of St Francis of Assissi.
Anyone got them to lend, please let me know.
So it's Sunday... |
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| Saturday 20 June
20 June 09
So now we have nurse Wendy, who comes on Thursdays and Saturdays and looks after Luke. She does marvellous things, like massage him with lavender creams, as well as steam him little pieces of norwegian salmon and potatoes and veggies for lunch.
I love nurse Wendy.
I can go out and shop... |
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| June 18 reconciliation
18 June 09
This is why I love Luke. This is why I stay with him, fighting for my space, wrestling with him to meet halfway on the bridge that links our islands. Because in spite of the fact that my blogging this week has embarrassed and hurt him at first reading, he... |
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| 17 June Repentance
17 June 09
I was so angry yesterday, ranting on my blog, upsetting Luke, who read it and reminds me that he nurtured and supported me without complaint while I wrote my memoir and confronted my family.
He is such a good bloke, and so brave. And I am so tired and stressed... |
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| Mrs Obama
16 June 09
Wednesday 7.pm. I have edited and added in bits in brackets to make this blog fairer to Luke who is upset by it.
Tuesday 7 pm.
Ok, ok, I take it all back. I went for a long and wonderful walk in the forest with my friend Bev, and sweated out all... |
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| Ambition
13 June 09
My mother is a very ambitious woman. She works harder than anyone I've ever known. She wanted to get to the top, and its what she wanted for her children as well.
My father, on the other hand, had little ambition. He thought life was about having fun intellectually. He had... |
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| June 12 2009
12 June 09
Friday two weeks ago I was desperate. Today I am calm, and everything's going well. Luke is up and about. Very frail and weak, walking with a stick, but he's engaging with the world, which is a good sign.
He's identified that its despair that makes him take to his... |
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| The Real Lazarus story
09 June 09
I have heard many sermons on the story of Lazarus - Jesus's dearest friend, who lived with his two sisters, Mary and Martha in Bethany.
Most preachers have to try and explain away the fact that Jesus did not rush over there when he heard Lazarus was ill. He waited... |
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| Noli me tangere
08 June 09
Today as I was despairing, and telling the oncologist that I couldn't get Luke to his offices because he can't walk anymore, that we have to half carry him to the bathroom, Luke appeared, like Lazarus, down the passage, casting off his grave clothes and declaring, 'I'm fine, I'm fine.'... |
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| June 7 2009
07 June 09
This disease is so relentless. Luke's suffering over the last 13 months has been awful to watch - I can't imagine the degrees of emotion he must be feeling - the indignity, disempowerment, and lack of independence, in addition to the pain and discomfort. And knowing it won't get better... |
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| June 5 2009
05 June 09
Luke had a wonderful grandmother. She was feisty and independent, warm and generous. When she got very old she got ready to die. She began to give away things she no longer needed. 'I'm going to miss you all so much,' she used to say. But it wasn't manipulative, it... |
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| June 4 2009
04 June 09
So last night I lay awake thinking. Very little sleep. Luke had diarrhoea and when he managed to get to the bathroom by himself I worried, so in the end it was easier just to get up and go with him. Tonight I will just empty his bags into a... |
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| Home again
03 June 09
Luke came home this afternoon. He is very weak. Too weak to walk around, reluctant to eat.
Do I remind him of the consequences of not eating? Or do I leave him alone?
He gets so irritable when I try and chivy him along. He wants to be left alone.... |
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| June 2
02 June 09
What a difference a little bit of perspective and a good night's sleep makes.
With Luke safe in hospital my stress levels have reduced. And I've been able to think. I spoke to the social worker at the hospital where he has chemo, and she suggested I get a nurse... |
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| June 1
01 June 09
I am very ashamed for gloating that my dog Issy tried to bite Luke's therapist. It's mean and unprofessional to diss her on my blog. She is doing her best and she helps him.
I confess to almighty God that I have sinned in thought, word and deed, and in... |
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